


Lovesick Puppy

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, DILDO NEGOTATION, F/F, Humor, Lesbian Ingrid Brandl Galatea, Sex Toys, Shopping Malls, Shopping for Sex Toys, Wingman Sylvain Jose Gautier, no smut just jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:48:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22128958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ingrid should really invest in a better wingman.
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault/Ingrid Brandl Galatea, Ingrid Brandl Galatea & Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 4
Kudos: 121





	Lovesick Puppy

**Author's Note:**

> It took another year but I'm back on my bullshit  
> Also this isn't trying to slander Spencer's or anything. I mean, they have gummy bear vibes. Amazing

As expected for a weekend in December, the mall was filled to the brim with customers and loiterers alike. Ingrid squeezed past groups of families spending their free time gaping at the Christmas decorations. In the middle of the walkways. The usual. 

She trailed close behind Sylvain, who hardly spared so much as even a glance back at her to make sure she was still following. Was baiting her with the promise of food that effective of a tactic?

Ingrid couldn't really feel offended at something that was the actual truth, to her chagrin. If not for that, though, she wouldn't have found herself trudging her feet up the out-of-order escalator and to the very shop she was dreading...

"This is the place, Ingrid?" Sylvain's grin was shit-eating. "Never thought this'd be your scene, but I guess all it takes is a cute girl and you'll go anywhere."

Ingrid only rolled her eyes, looking up at the sign of the shop. Spencer’s. "I only know because I work at the food stand right across from it. I’ve never really _been_ in here.”

“Something tells me that sudden influx of weird merch for shows you don’t even watch says otherwise. Never really been here, huh?”

"Shut up." Her retort was poor, an admittance of her own guilt, but the only thing she could find herself to say in response to being called out over something so embarrassing.

"Yeah, yeah." Sylvain rose his arms into an obnoxiously relaxed pose, striding into the store. "Let's go find that cute girl you won't stop talking about."

It had been a mistake, definitely, bringing it up to him on such a whim. But who else could she have turned to? Her options were limited and unfortunate, Sylvain being the only one with any actual dating experience out of their entire friend group. He’d even been the one to notice her lovestruck behavior and call it out as it was.

Unfortunately.

She followed in, tense and not at all ready for what could very well become the worst mistake of her entire life.

"...I'm pretty sure she's working here today," Ingrid said. Unless she was sick or something, as she found herself half-hoping.

She stopped by the shirts to the side, eyeing the numerous cartoon and band designs. Many she recognized in one way or another, though the band logos were indistinguishable from each other. Felix would surely have gotten angry at her ignorance. And Sylvain-

Wait, where was Sylvain? Wasn’t he still right beside her? She whipped her head around, realizing with dawning dread where Sylvain had decided to make a beeline towards.

"Sylvain!" she shouted, as always, not caring if she disturbed the shoppers next to her. She brushed past a couple teenagers, noticing Dorothea tending to a customer at the register. Well, worry about that later. She needed to scold this idiot. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

Sylvain saw where her eyes were momentarily directed, and as she caught up to him, he chuckled. "That's her?"

"Yes!” Ingrid shot him a glare with the force of ten thousand men, though it probably wasn’t as effective when being even in proximity with so many adult products was doing an excellent job at setting her face on fire. “Now can we _please_ step away from the sex toys? If she sees me over here I might actually die."

"Well, that's just too bad," Sylvain said. "I was thinking we could use this place to our advantage. I mean, since when do malls have sex shops in them?"

"This isn’t a sex shop, Sylvain." God, smite her where she stood. "It just...has some questionable stuff at the back. Call it a sex shop again and I'll hit you."

"That's just what it is, though.” He brushed her threat off with ease; the unfortunate result of having been friends with him for so many years. “Half Hot Topic and half sex shop. I think it's pretty cool, honestly."

"Of course _you_ would, but you're not me! Or my coworkers. Or Dorothea-"

"Well, I think I have just the perfect plan to woo her, since we're in the best Hot Topic/sex shop hybrid the mall has to offer."

Ingrid punched him in the arm, glaring. "Don't say getting a sex toy. Or any of those strange candies.”

"Well, the candy would be good, but all they have is dick lollipops anyway. But sex toys! That's genius. Good job, Ingrid."

"Absolutely not! Who buys one of these in a mall, anyway? Or in general!"

Sylvain shrugged, moving over to the intimidating wall of dildos and vibrators and other things Ingrid wished she could just not acknowledge in public. "You could probably use one, Miss Repressed Lesbian. Why not get it here and now? C'mon, pick a big one. Make it rainbow. Then she'll know you're gay."

Ingrid pinched the bridge of her nose, scowling. "Why am I friends with you."

"Because you love me? And hey, I'm trying to help you out here! I can't leave my dearest friend single and miserable when there's a hot girl she's interested in _right there_."

Ingrid sighed. "Alright. Fine. But only because you promised me food. We're getting that after, right? At the food court? I want a burger."

Sylvain eyed a particularly large and colorful dildo. He slid it off the rack, flipping it over to read the back of the box’s contents. "You'll get a burger,” he said, turning the box around again and offering it to her. “Hell, I'll buy as much as you want if you march this over to the register and buy it.”

Food.

But also, mortification.

But the mall’s burger shop was _really_ good.

But, literally buying a dildo from your crush.

Ingrid groaned in full exasperation.

"...A sex toy. In a mall. A dildo in a mall. You owe me so much for this, Sylvain."

She yanked the box out of Sylvain's hands as he laughed. As she hid the thing in her arm, so as to keep it from any unfortunate prying eyes, she heard someone clear their throat behind them.

"You know...if you're after something like that, I know a _way_ better place. A lot cheaper, too."

Ingrid spun around in an instant, face aflame. Oh no.

_Oh no._

Sylvain started walking off, shooting her a thumbs-up while waggling his eyebrows in the most obnoxious way possible. “Confidence is key, Ingrid!”

Stuck feeling more like a fish on land than an actual human being, she struggled to form a coherent response to Dorothea.

"Uh. Um."

"I might work here," she said with a shrug, "but I won't get fired for saying all the adult stuff we have that _aren’t_ vibes is overpriced trash. Trust me."

Ingrid only stood there, frozen and speechless.

Something told her Dorothea found this amusing, as she just continued on speaking.

“I’m gonna guess this is your first time buying one of these, yeah?” She received a wide-eyed stare. “I thought so. Why not set that down and come over to the register? I’ll write down the name of the place and you can try there instead. It’s probably for the best.”

Ingrid finally nodded dumbly, setting the thing down in the completely wrong spot, but having the common courtesy to turn the box around so its length wasn’t being shown off to the world.

Dorothea led her to the register, looking over at Sylvain pretending to mind his own business with a momentary grimace before settling to a practiced smile. "Is...that your boyfriend? I'm so sorry."

Ingrid felt her voice come back in an instant, then, because, God, why would anyone imply she and Sylvain were _dating_? "What? No. No, I'm available. I mean, I'm single. Not seeing anyone. Er, not looking either--"

Dorothea visibly relaxed upon being told that, her smile easing into the genuine. "I've seen you around a bit, you know. Ingrid, right? You come in pretty regularly." She pulled out a blank receipt and a pen, starting to scribble something out on it.

"Right. The, ah, selection is rather nice.”

Dorothea didn't quite seem to believe that, but she made no mention of it. "You work right across from us, don't you? I see you there sometimes too, but not all that often lately."

Dorothea noticed that? Ingrid didn't realize her blush could worsen, but it went ahead and did. "Ah...well, it's finals week, so I've been too swamped to go to work. This is the first bit of free time I've had in a while, actually."

She finished writing, and Ingrid worked up the nerve to spare a glance as she doodled a small heart next to a series of numbers. _Oh_. "Finals week is always tough, huh? I’d love to chat with you more, dear, but it'll be my ass if I don't get back to work. Text me sometime and let me know if that recommendation ended up working out for you, alright?"

She punctuated her statement with a wink as she folded the paper, sealed it with a kiss, and handed it to Ingrid. She accepted with shaky, sweaty palms and pocketed it carefully, resigning herself to taking a proper look when she was out of the store and as far away from Sylvain as possible.

"I...of course. Thank you."

"Anytime, cutie. And tell your friend to be less irritating next time, please."

Ingrid met up with Sylvain in silence, head buzzing with the pet names Dorothea called her by. And everything else. _Dear_. Wow.

“You looked like a total lovesick puppy back there,” Sylvain unhelpfully pointed out, after prying her for details he probably already got from eavesdropping failed. She shook her head in an attempt to get the thoughts, and the frustrating blush, to go away.

"Burger. Now," Ingrid said, pointedly ignoring him.

“Of course. But what’d I tell you? I’m the _best_ at these sorts of things.”

They made their way to the food court, Ingrid’s stomach angrily growling under the incessant chatter of the people walking by them. “With the number of messes I’ve had to clean up in your stead, Sylvain?” He sheepishly grinned at her jab. “But...thank you. I don’t think I could have worked up the nerve to talk to her without your help.”

He looked at her, eyes wide in genuine surprise. “You haven’t even talked to her before now? Really?”

“Yes,” she snapped without thinking. “Ugh, wait. Not really. She was never at the register when I went to purchase things.”

“So you _admit_ to buying nerdy stuff you aren’t even into! Or maybe you really _are_ a secret weeb. Nothing to be ashamed of. That explains why you and Ashe are so buddy-buddy.”

Ingrid thanked just about every god under the sun as they coincidentally neared the burger stand. “Oh look! Food. Why don’t you order for me, and I’ll find us a table?” Assuming there was one, what with the crowds of people everywhere. Oh well. If it got her away from Sylvain for a bit, that was good enough for her. She fingered at the sheet of paper in her pocket, careful not to crumple it more than the short walk already had.

Ingrid did not give Sylvain a chance to respond, of course, walking away before he could convince her to wait in the scarily long line with him. Once sufficiently far enough, she stole a small table that had yet to be cleaned off, wasting no time sneakily slipping the paper out and unfolding it. Below the..somewhat helpful name of the adult store was that very series of numbers and a short note.

_(XXX)-XXX-XXXX_

_Coffee sometime?_

_I’m free on Wednesdays and Fridays._

_Dorothea ♡_

  
  


Ingrid could not resist a wide, goofy grin at the note. She pocketed it again, resisting the urge to take it right back out and reread it over and over. It was tempting to even text her right now, but she needed to save that for when she got home and could charge the damned thing. Running a hand over her face, she schooled her features into a neutral look but just found it refusing to cooperate.

Lovesick puppy probably wasn’t really that wrong of a descriptor, was it?


End file.
